Why they won't come out

For weeks I’ve been mum, observing the backlash Nikki Minaj has been getting about her “flip-flop” stories about her said bisexuality. I also found the Bishop Eddie Long story to be disturbing in many ways. However, although these two stories are quite upsetting to me being an LGBT advocate, my annoyance comes from the black community in general. One has to understand that this is bigger than Nikki Minaj, Bishop Eddie Long, Queen Latifah, Da Brat, Will Smith, Jada, Tyler Perry, and the rest of them who fear that coming out could possibly ruin their careers, submit them to exile whether from the church, the music industry, or Hollywood. To be honest, our culture does not permit people to be open with their sexuality. Ridden with the poisonous opiate of religion, we submit our brothers and sisters to silent suffering, locking them inside closets where we could care less if they rot in denial…our denial.
How dare we criticize the likes of Nikki Minaj without addressing this bigger issue? Yes, she, like Lady Gaga, has the potential to give us visibility as queer folks of color, but you have to understand, she might not want to be the sacrificial lamb. In fact, if our people weren’t so stuck on seeking Jesus Christ in other human beings, we’d know that no sane person who desire food, shelter, and clothing would sacrifice a career for anyone unless if they have the support to do so. As a lesbian writer, I can be a voice for others because technically, I can say what I want without kissing dotted lines on lucrative contracts to keep my mouth shut goodbye. You see, Nikki Minaj is now signed to Pdiddy’s label. Does anyone know what goes on behind the scenes of the recording industry when sales are more important than ones personal life? Isn’t that why stars hire Public Relations professionals---so that they can uphold the fantasy/illusion that labels and agencies want fans to believe in order to bolster sales any which way they can? Money talks, and if money isn’t stuffed behind a good coming out story, then consider it unimportant.
Same goes for Tyler Perry whose audience is primarily black church folk. Do you think those folks are ready to hear Tyler Perry say he has desire for another man? If you are gay, think back to your own Bible thumping relatives and remember the time when you came out to them (I’m assuming many of you gay folks have already done so). Hopefully most of you were adults and had the ability to take care of yourselves before coming out; but for the majority of us, we got the silent treatment. *cricket, cricket*. Heard that? Top that off with “Don’t you dare come back here until you change. I know the good Lord will change you. Until then, get the hell out. Hallelujerrrr. Amen.”

Now think about it if these are the same church folks who had helped Tyler Perry to build an empire. Can you imagine how much he would lose if he comes out? Can you now see why he might be a bit hesitant? Yes it is very painful to watch, but just look around you. There are more people living inside closets than you know, or wish to know. Although it is the saddest, most unfair decision one could ever make, it happens. I have friends who work in corporate America who are only gay after 11pm and on weekends because coming out to their coworkers isn’t an option. They would tell me that being black is already enough to sink their ship, so being gay could bury them under sand. I believe the same goes for Tyler Perry and black celebrities. To most of them, being black is enough to contend with. If they have to choose between success and being true to themselves, it’s like choosing between severing a limb or plucking an eye ball. People have to understand that people’s passions are also a part of them, and if it means that these entertainers should sacrifice doing what they love to set a part of them free to the public, then we all should wish them god speed.
Until the black community embraces homosexuality, can people be true to themselves. White celebrities like Ellen, Rosie, Gaga, and Angelina Jolie can dare come out and be OK, but for a black person in Hollywood to come out when there are no jobs for them to begin with, it can be detrimental. I can’t begin to imagine what it would be like if they are ostracized from their own community who, by the way, contributes to half the box office sales. Wanda Sykes did it, but she was a D-list actress and a comedian. Her fan base is considered as grown folks with an appetite for expletives and dirty jokes (not that church folks are not this way too). So of course, they would still appreciate “crazy ole Wanda” and love her. But would it be the same for Queen Latifah? How about Usher or Jamie Foxx? I don’t think so.

Additionally, with Bishop Eddie Long’s story now out in the open like a bad liberating fart permeating the air with the stifling truth, hopefully we can now have a healthy discourse about this topic. Hopefully the church is now recognizing the error of their ways when they fail to acknowledge the fact that homosexuality exists under their roof, behind the pulpit, and should be addressed with love and acceptance, not hate. But perhaps I’m being too optimistic here. After decades of snuggling within the comfort of silence, I’m not too certain that the church would blink twice about addressing the issue.
Rev Eddie Long (recently accused of luring boys into having sex with him)

Moreover, I’m not making any excuse for what Eddie Long did to those boys. What he did was awful given that he abused his power with these poor boys (now men). However, I believe that Eddie Long himself is a victim. He is a victim of silence; he is a victim of the stigma that exists in the church; he is a victim of fear, clutching the “holy” cloth and cloaking himself with authority that he, like many others, thought would suppress these urges and in turn, impose this guilt on others.

So before you begin to shake your heads wondering when are these people in the church and the public eye going to come out of their diamond encrusted closets consider the community they’re coming from. Consider the backlash they may get, and understand their fear. You remember this too, I’m sure. Not many of us can walk too proudly, patting our chest for being “out” without remembering what we had been through to get where we are. Unlike the stars, we had the luxury of mourning lost ties in private. They have public endorsements and fans to consider while church clergy have the congregation, their 10 percent tithes, and personal worship of them to consider (all while they suffer on their own cross of denial).
Yes, it would be nice if black public figures can use their power to change people’s minds and increase visibility of black queer folks, but mental oppression is a funny thing. It tends to stick with us through life, crippling us for the most part. Even the black lgbt community has its hang-ups on commitment with religion still ingrained in the back of our minds, inciting guilt and internalized homophobia. Therefore, if celebrities and church clergy come out, it has to be a personal decision on their terms only. But until then, we need to work on our community.

Nicole © 2010

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