Perhaps I’m the strange one here, immersed into this eclectic urban realm where people merge under one sky, contained like a jar of jellybeans, some claiming to be "sex-positive". In 2010, the term "sex-positive" becomes ludicrously linked to queerness, worn by youngsters who claim such identity under the false assumption that their attraction to same-gender renders them sexually deviant. Many of them intellectualize sexual attraction to various individuals, which they claim should be acted upon rather than sticking to clichéd restraints of monogamy. However, I like to call this internalized homophobia where still, even the most educated folks are claiming "sex-positive" out of the notion that as LGBT individuals, our relationships either don't exist or aren't seen as worthy to nurture.“You know artists,” said a young 20’ something woman at a talk back forum on our sexuality who chuckled at my observations, her silver bangles jingling as she took sips of her wine. “We always want to be unique, messing with our bodies like we do canvasses of art being led by our soul and emotions. But me being sex-positive is about feminism.” I still didn’t get it. Did she just say being sex-positive is a way to exercise feminism? Uhm, did she see the CDC's release of the HIV/AIDS statistics among African American women? So I asked, “But what about sexually transmitted infections? You are sex-positive, but are you safe?” She looked at me as if I had asked her to disclose her HIV status to the crowded room. Only recently had the term “sex-positive” become trendy, getting rid of the stigma attached to sleeping around. A euphemism stretched to cover the bullshit but not the stench.
I wouldn’t go as far as to challenge the morality of being “sex-positive”, but I do find it questionable, especially with the burgeoning statistics of sexually transmitted infections. Many persons who use the term “sex-positive” loosely do so in ignorance or in cosmopolitan settings where sex, like drugs and alcohol, becomes disposable. A combination of all four can be deadly given that the “sex-positive” individual won’t be as careful with protecting themselves against diseases when they are high, tipsy, or plain ignorant. In all honesty, just to cut "sex-positives" a slack, New York City is a place where the young and free are also very lonely, some even desperate. Of course, the city becomes a playground for singles to explore each other in parks, between desolated isles in bookstores, in movie theaters, in museums, in front of American Apparel billboards if porn becomes too expensive to buy, in the small spaces of cramped apartments—anywhere that would give them the opportunity to physically connect with another human being after being isolated for days zipping through underground tunnels in a daze from one destination to the next trying to make a living.
Their “sex-positive” rendezvous is nothing but a post-college binge of careless debauchery, which might be the only way in which they feel in control. They begin to feel liberated and powerful with their bodies in a way that being a struggling artist, student, or young professional in New York City living in cramped spaces with roommates and eating ramen noodles for dinner can’t make them feel. In other words, sex becomes a coping mechanism.
One has to understand that identifying as "sex-positive" is a lot deeper than the false sense of liberation that it gives. It comes with ample communication with sexual partners, getting tested often, and developing a sense of self where you come to this decision knowing yourself and knowing that your queerness should not define you or give you an excuse to skid so far outside the norm that you forget your own susceptibility to diseases as a mortal. Being "sex-positive" may be synonymous with “free loving” in the 60’s, but not without the consequences of our times where HIV/AIDS and other STI’s are sitting right here in our backyard to contend with. Nicole © 2010
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