The best revenge is living.

After two years punctuated by abated breaths at possible sightings and things that I would have said had I had the opportunity, I finally saw her again. There were no awkward moments, no residues of anger or resentment, no rehearsed words of bitterness replayed in my mind, and no expectations of an apology. Just a simple hello and a conversation that flowed smoothly between us as if everything else that occurred in the past was nothing but a distant nightmare.

It feels great to forgive. It feels even more amazing to let go. What sense does it make to harbor feelings of resentment when it only depletes our energy? The time it takes to plot scenarios in my head of what I would’ve, could’ve, and should’ve said had I seen the person again, could be spent writing a potential bestselling novel. Even if the person still existed within my close network, it would still take too much energy to make up my mind to snub them or better yet, pretend to spill coffee or wine on an item of clothing that could’ve possibly been purchased at the dollar store.

Yes, I must admit that it does feel good to stomp on the persons that hurt me, but what do I gain from it? Given that I do have an audacious personality in which I often look down on the passive aggressive individuals with pity, I often react to insults or hurt done to me in a second, instantly lashing the perpetrators with my words, leaving them to bleed to death through the cracks of my mind that quickly bury them into satisfactory oblivion. This often puts me in a position of advocacy for others who do not have the courage to stand up for themselves. But very rarely do I congratulate myself after putting someone down who has hurt me. Many times the persons who do the hurting do not know what they did. In fact, perhaps it has been done to them so many times before, that they internalize it.

In lieu of the bullying incidents that have been on the news as of late, I think about how much hurt those bullies have suffered and internalized before hurting others. Most times the focus is usually on punishing them, but very little attention is paid to the situations or contexts in which those “bullies” have been living. In many cases, the “bullies” themselves have been victims of abuse or neglect at home. This undoubtedly puts a new spin on the ways in which bullying could be stopped or monitored in schools. As for the victims of those bullies, some are able to move past the attacks while others are emotionally crippled by it. For the latter, I would tell them to hold on and be strong because hurt people hurt others, and therefore the bullies’ actions towards them have nothing to do with them. In this blog, my aim is to show people that letting go is the best healing that could ever take place. Not that we have to justify what others did to us, but we learn to move past it, using our own strengths to overpower the negative impact certain scars left on our souls to bear. Moving past the hurt is the fist step to channeling our energy in the right things, say—being more creative, partaking in workshops to build certain skills, forming positive circles of friends and contacts, etc.—as opposed to ruminating on things done to us by certain individuals who have probably moved on with their lives.

Finally, I always believe that the best revenge is living. I learned a long time ago and was reminded recently that the universe has a sense of humor grounded in irony. The path to which it leads us might very well cross with that of the person who hurt us in the past. It is then that our growth is tested when the person, whose eyes might struggle to meet ours, may not apologize with words. However, in that moment without apology would be an acknowledgment that the universe has a way of subtly forcing closure in the most unexpected ways, like waves washing seaweeds and long lost items ashore which were thought to be buried at the bottom of the ocean.

It may be evident to the person in that instant that avoidance is a cowardice move on this unrehearsed stage of life. Or it may not. It may be evident to them how much we have changed and how great we look living life. Or it may not. A simple encounter with them, as in my case, may come and go as quickly as the rush of an autumn wind. It was during one of these fleeting conversations where the person appeared more human than my memory had sketched her out to be, that I quickly learned that revenge was no longer in my hands; it was given all along to something greater than me, something greater than the person who had hurt me, something greater than all of us. I was only happy in the end that I lived to see the uncanny way in which the universe works.

Nicole ©2010

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