After writing my first blog on the term “Sex-Positive” and its misuse, I spoke to a few people about the term who positively identify as such. In fact, I felt compelled to do this in order to educate myself in the process. This was after I was told by a friend that I came off as “sex-phobic” in my previous blog. Me—a gender, sexuality & health researcher, who enjoys talking and writing about sex as much as I love the act itself. So I had to step back and assess why I was unable to understand the term “sex-positive”. After all, shouldn’t I know and appreciate this term in my advocacy work? Through conversations I discovered that identifying as “sex-positive” isn’t an act per se, it’s more of a state of mind. In other words, people who identify as such aren’t necessarily engaging in wanton sexcapades with multiple partners as I had previously thought, but are open to any discourse pertaining to sex and sexuality. That’s me!
This makes much more sense and sounds a lot healthier. To engage in open discussions about sex and sexuality is the beginning of something fruitful in the control of the HIV/AIDS epidemic where secrecy, stigma, and shame (SSS) are top culprits in people engaging in risky behaviors behind closed doors.
I believe that we can have healthy conversations about sex without the shame that comes with disclosing certain information. In that case, I commend “sex-positive” persons who unpack knowledge by demystifying certain acts, including masturbation, S&M, penetration (whether vaginal or anal), oral, and other sexual acts that not many people know how to talk about (or even know about). By engaging in these healthy discussions, we begin to take the necessary precautions through communication.Moreover, for many people it’s not easy to talk about sex. One would be surprised what people do behind closed doors but could never bring themselves to utter a word about it. We were taught never to “kiss and tell”, but how dangerous is that term when it comes to opening up our bedroom door for an educational discourse on sex and safety? Salt & Pepper sang about “Let’s about sex” for a reason. We need to start talking about it in order to debunk the myths, stigma, and secrecy surrounding it.
In fact, one of my many projects as a researcher is to get churches to start opening up conversations on the topic, especially around homosexuality and sexuality outside of marriage in order to get rid of the stigma and shame attached. This is after finding that people tend to engage in riskier behaviors in secrecy when they are told that they are wrong. This leads them to deny what they are doing, thus inciting them to ignore prevention messages which they think aren’t for them.
Therefore, after analyzing my conversations with other “sex-positive” individuals and getting rid of my own judgments or preconceived notions, I had to re-assess my thoughts about the term and what it really means. I realized that the term “sex-positive” is not a bad thing after all when used as a tool for empowerment and education. In fact, it has the ability to make the world a better and safer place with more people talking about sex rather than perceiving it as a dirty, secret act outside of the pearly white gates of marriage, which in itself, is just as ambiguous.
Nicole © 2010
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