Last week an acquaintance wrote on her facebook profile, “When in doubt, masturbate.” It struck me as a slogan: A message glued to the bumpers of cars for drivers to look at while in traffic while they try to decide which turn to make. I imagine the idea entering their minds as they sit during rush hour or at a stop light with their blinkers on; their hands slipping off the steering wheel to somewhere else. I know what she meant (as in safe sex), but since my mind tends to wander sometimes (or maybe all the time), I couldn't help but imagine this is what one would do when in doubt, when the little decisions in life become mild dilemmas: Turkey versus chicken for dinner, filing taxes with a company versus doing it online, balsamic vinegar versus salad dressing, brunch in Fort Greene versus brunch in Park Slope, blue blouse to work versus green. One would imagine fingers working mechanically as one tries to make up her mind, perhaps arriving late for work, perhaps settling for fish, perhaps forgetting to file her taxes, perhaps not choosing neither balsamic vinegar nor salad dressing, yearning instead for another viscous liquid taste on her tongue, perhaps wishing her indecision will last and last…and last. So I made a list of things I like to do when I’m in doubt:
1)Write. When in doubt, I like to write. It may not incite an instant orgasm like masturbation does, but it hits the spot. For me, a literary orgasm produces more than five seconds of suspended bliss where each stroke on the keyboard is another thought being processed, another story being told. I can allot my carpel tunnel injury to typing too quickly for long periods of time as opposed to working my fingers in places where I’m lucky enough to have someone else do the work.
2)Fruits. When in doubt, I love to chow down on grapes. Usually I have supplies in the fridge for those moments when I’m trying to make up my mind. The advantage is that it’s better than junk food and I won’t gain weight from being too indecisive.
3)Spinning. When in doubt, I hit the gym and head straight for my bike. Luckily I have a great spin instructor who is also a motivational coach, so when I’m done I always feel like I just walked out of a spiritual retreat, a gym, a spa, and a sauna all wrapped up in one. The advantage is I get my money’s worth and come out feeling like a champion.
4)Watching Seinfield. When in doubt, I relax on the couch and watch my favorite sitcom. It’s a great way for me to unwind and stop thinking for a while. As a writer my mind is constantly working around the clock. So it’s a relief to find something mindless to do, like watching tv.
5)Call my mother. When in doubt, a nice conversation with the wisest woman on earth helps. Although she may not be familiar with the details of certain decisions I have to make, her words of encouragement are priceless.
6)Consult my partner. When in doubt, there’s nothing like having a person who is my exact equal with whom I can bounce ideas and get helpful feedback. That’s the reason why it’s called a partnership: We help each other grow along the way.
7)Therapy. When in doubt I like to stretch out on a couch for an hour and talk to a licensed stranger. Everyone in New York City has a therapist, which I find absolutely necessary for our well-being. It allows us to slow down and mentally and emotionally dissect our thoughts, organizing them into epiphanies amidst the chaos.
8)Jill Scott. When in doubt I like to listen to this beautiful singer croon some common sense and reasoning into my ear. She often tells me to “Live my life like its golden,” and I do, no matter what decisions I end up making.
9)Facebook. When in doubt, I have to admit that sometimes I look to facebook for answers. Sometimes when the other options aren’t available, I post a status stating my question and in two seconds someone responds with an answer. Last week I wasn’t sure if a local lounge in my neighborhood was closing and posted the question. In a minute, someone responded to confirm this closing. What a way to get news updates!
10)Wikipedia. When in doubt, I look things up on Wiki. In my opinion, this was a great invention that saved me many a boring trips to the library.
11)Google. When in doubt, I google. I can’t begin to count the amount of times google saved me when I was single and dating. People tell me their names and I would instantly google them. I had a prospect tell me that she was a vegan personal trainer with a buff body, natural hair and tons of important clients only to google her name and find that she was an obese secretary with a bad weave. I stopped responding to her emails. On a good note, before I went on my first date with my current partner who I met in person and instantly fell in love with, I googled her after asking her out, panicked that I would swallow my tongue. I saw many hits about poetry. It was then that I learned that she is a poet, so I read her some poetry on our first date. It didn’t occur to her until later in our relationship why I had read her poetry over dinner. I confessed.
12)Pray. When in doubt, I like to talk it out with the supreme. I learned a long time ago that prayer doesn’t have to be a formal thing. I pray like I’m talking to a long time friend, one who actually understands me more than I understand myself. Let’s just say when the conversation is over, I feel more relaxed than I’d felt before, and more confident to take the chosen path.
Nicole © 2011
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