March 19th, 2011: According to NASA, the full moon tonight is called a "Super Perigee Moon" since it is at its closest to Earth. This hasn't happened in 18 years. (It's also in Virgo, which probably explains my intense reaction to it).****
As the full moon hovers above the kitchen window of my brownstone, shining bigger and brighter than I’ve ever seen, I welcome her inside. I’m always grateful for her presence, but tonight something stirred deep inside me like the tides in the ocean. These tides rise from the depth of my being as though a storm were near, bringing up long forgotten memories to the sand. She has come to remind me of something.
The memories wash up like seaweed. I’m transported back to a time when I never dreamed I’d ever be where I am today, living, loving and laughing...a lot. I remembered a time not too long ago when I lived on Long Island as a new immigrant with a dream; but first I had to prove myself to a resentful step-parent who told me I wasn’t worth anything and couldn’t accomplish anything; I’m transported back to Jamaica where I realized that the dreams I had were bigger than the Island itself and the way I loved was too queer for small minds to wrap around; even my first love didn't get it as she crushed my heart with guilt and denial. All these long forgotten things came back up to the surface with this full moon like a flood rushing in as a result of the high tides, reminding me of my strength and perseverance. They crash upon the shores and leave all the garbage from the depths of the ocean, cleansing my being.
I’m now standing on a rock watching those memories flutter at my feet like dead fish. On this rock I take a deep breath, thanking God.
This new moon is here to remind me that there was a path that I took to get here. Just in case I'd forgotten, I'm reminded of a path with a silver lighting that had guided me through the darkest shadows. I’ve had my share of darkness and now I see light all around: I’m learning to seize the moment, savoring life as it comes. Thus, I believe that I'm accomplishing my dreams, living THE life, my life, and loving it. I’ve found love and love found me in return; I’ve found my passion and my truth. I am truly blessed. Of course I'll still have doubts; but this full moon has come to remind me that my previous struggles have made me stronger, and more able and determined to walk on the waves, the cool surface of rippling water pressed against my heels like an elevated platform propelling me forward. For this I'm grateful.
Nicole © 2011
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